Midnight Drives.

It’s on those late night drive where the land stretches out to the sky and headlights blind your eyes that you start thinking;

You start thinking about life and all the things you’ve tried and failed at.

And as your mind races you wonder if you’ve done anything worth mentioning at all.

Because when the scales come off your eyes and you see for the first time you realized that everything you’ve ever done was a lie because selflessness was just a mask for your pride.

Our eyes have been blinded to the truth.

The window to my soul is clouded and distorted by things not of you, Father.

How do I take out these grey-scale lenses?

It’s like headlights on foggy nights that reflect back at you on the mist.

You start wandering in circles because you knwo where you’re going and you don’t need a hand to guide you.

This pride is a cancer to my soul.

It’s terminal, stage four.

But if only there was a Healer out there who could cause a miracle,

Who can cut out this disease and make me whole.

Healer, won’t you make me whole?

Please, please! just heal this sickness killing my soul.

I don’t ant to give up, and I can’t do this on my own.

But to come to that place of absolute surrender?

Easier said that done.

Easier sang, that followed through.

I surrender all, I surrender all.

All to Jesus, my Blessed Savior, I surrender all.

But on Monday morning, when the world starts spinning are you really making a difference?

Are you really living the change you proclaimed?

Because pride’s one of those things that doesn’t go away so easily.

It’ll sneak up and get you again before you know it.

And you realize it’s got you again when you’re so far gone.

Am I too far gone?

Jesus, there’s got to me something more than this roller coaster life I’m living!

I know that there are people supporting me, and pulling for me, and I feel like I”m about to let thema ll down.

Father won’t you reach Your hand out of the sky and hold me tight?

Because I feel so alone on this dreary night.

I just want a hand to hold on to.

I just wanna know that someone is out there fighting for me and that I’m not in this alone.

Because this familiar numbness is creeping back inside.

It’s on these late night drives where the land stretches out to meet the sky and headlights blind your eyes that you start thinking.

You start wondering about life and all the times you’ve tried and failed and failed and failed…

Retrospect’s lenses show that there was never a hand holding yours but powerful, loving arms embracing you at all times.

Father, won’t you embrace me tonight?

Grey Scale.

City lights reflect off of wet roads on cloudy nights

And as the mist from car tires rises to meet the sky, so my soul longs to rise on high.

Just to commune with my Father in the secret place;

to just get a glimmer of  glimpse, like the seraphim,

Just enough to cry, “Holy!”

But these emotions are so far away.

And as life keeps spinning faster each day, I wonder how close to Jesus I really am.

Because how can I be so close to something, someone so awesome, and beautiful, and life-changing and not know it?

It’s like the days before the rain.

Clouds slowly accumulate on the horizon.

Day by day they grow until the sky is dark and grey.

It stays that way for days and you know there will be rain.

But sometimes you can get used to shadow and forget the cloud until the sky breaks open above you and rain falls in a torrent.

Father, You’ve been hovering for quite some time.

The clouds churn in a blended grey scale as the first drops of rain break free.

And when the rain finally begins to fall I feel Your rain filling me.

It reminds me how much I love this rainy weather.